the woman i love is going to red hook this weekend to give a talk about her book with another author, a guy named sean thor conroe, who wrote fuccboi. no gatekeeping here – it’s a book about him being a fuck boy. the wikipedia page for it flaunts his use of “bro-speak”. i’ve never heard of it but think it’s about damn time i get on board, so order the book.
“oh, he’d be obsessed with you,” my girl says to me about conroe.
i’d love to meet this player, to size him up and compare notes. him and i share the same content interest afterall. men.
“we have something really special in common,” i’d say to him, winking.
i wish i was going to be around to attend the event. i’d wear my new matching black velvet skirt and top with just a whisper of lipstick. i’d do a heavy lash with some eyeliner and a good heel with tights. i’d melt seeing my sweet, sweet darling up on a stage. though, i do think my being there might make her nervous. i think that would make it all the better.
in either case, i called her yesterday to ask for some advice and then she asked for some in return.
“i have to talk with this guy about how i write about desire,” she said. “what would you say?”
“i’d say in order to write about desire you have to understand it as suffering,” i said. “desire is suffering in the most beautiful sense of the word. getting that feeling onto the page is more or less just cutting yourself open and bleeding all over the place.”
she laughed. “okay,” she said.
she told me about the men she’s been seeing. i told her about the men i haven’t.
i’m happy for her. she sounds pleased, content even. i wonder what it takes to get there. i wonder what kind of surrender i’ll perform today.
i got off the phone with her and walked down to the coffee shop for a sandwich. it was not good but i ate it while on the phone with my best friend. she was saying something about the cosmos.
then, i attempted to do some christmas shopping but ended up just buying myself a pair of nice socks. i’m wearing them now, as i write this.
after that, i did something i love doing lately. i brought my dog to the fancy dog store in fitger’s and bought him a long, narrow collagen stick. i’m not 100% sure what “collagen stick” means in the context of dog treats, but they’re $12 so i figure they must be decent.
he loves those damn bones. he walks with them in his mouth up the big hill and all the way home as if he, himself hunted them. head held high he does this. proud as he’s ever been.
