the days grow longer and i’ve been sleeping less and less.
i get home and feed my dog. kibble and milk. i call it kibble cereal. he loves it. it’s his favorite bedtime snack. he’ll sleep hard tonight because we’ve been gone all day, and during that time one thing we did was take a long walk in the early evening. it was warm outside and the sun was shining as we walked up familiar hills on our usual route through the cemetery. i slow down uphill now, for him. he’s not as young as he used to be. neither of us are.
i take a swig of the milk. it’s delicious and sweet. it’s the most perfect thing on planet earth.
i unload some groceries from much earlier in the day – meat and rice and more milk. two limes and two avocados.
lately, i’ve been telling people i feel better than ever, younger than ever. it’s not a lie. it’s true. it’s god shining his bright light on me. it’s all the milk.
i draft a couple of emails i won’t send. it’s become part of my writing practice. i can tune in when i’m writing an email. i can get vulnerable and say what i mean. i’ve been keeping correspondence with a few people lately, some old and some new.
n- and i have been writing each other emails since november 2015, and recently started it back up again. he’s recovered from a severe brain injury sustained when he got hit by a car while riding bike in oakland. he’s back in bellingham now and seems just shy of having a new lease on life, as they say. we exchange updated photos of ourselves and he tells me i look healthy. proof the milk is working.
he looks handsome in his photo, happy even, which is odd for him. he’s always been so doom and gloom. my friend in college had a nickname for him that included the word “ghost.” i’ve always found him very vampire-ish. high cheek bones, lots of black hair. deep eyes. tall, skinny. i tell him how i feel about his good looks and ask him if a consequence of his brain injury is him now being full of joy. he says it’s not joy, just that he was laughing right before the photo was taken. i know him and i know that he was laughing at something dark and twisted because that’s the only kind of thing he’d ever laugh about. he’s not a laugh when something is good kind of guy.
another old friend resurfaces in my inbox. says he wants to talk, asks if he can call me tomorrow morning. it’s bizarre because we aren’t close and never really have been. last time i saw him was in duluth and he was dating a cool girl that, despite only having met once, i felt closer to on merit of demeanor. they’re both chaos agents, but at least she’s a chick. i have no idea what he could possibly want to talk about and suspect something is off, so agree to a chat. my plan is to not say much and just listen and feel. i wonder if what he says will be surprising.
i’m up for surprises lately. i read jupiter is now transiting through cancer, my natal sun. i read it’s a time for expansion. a time of gifts and luck. god knows i’m ready. that’s why he’s got the big light on me. that’s why i’m so thirsty.
i’ll wash my face and brush my teeth soon. i’ll brush my hair too. i’ll take off my clothes and maybe put something else on. i’ll lay in bed with the lights real low and think about the day and think about tomorrow and think about you. i’ll look at my dog and tell him he’s a good boy. he’ll tell me he loves me in the way he does.
we’ll fall asleep. and when we wake up, it’ll be a new day. i’ll ring it in with a cup of milk.
