beau eats the rice i put on a log next to the mating lady bugs. spring! sprung! the waves roll in no particular hurry. the sun beats down on my back. “in my thoughts i have bled,” sings beth gibbons. “white horses will take me away.” seven years today since my mom died just a […]
all the horses in me are wild
beach, north dakota, is by far the windiest place i’ve ever been. it’s one of many things that makes being on the plains so humbling. walking in a straight line is impossible. driving through it is exhausting. having a coherent thought, standing out there in those punishing gusts, is out of the question. i’ve been […]
be my emily
i wondered if you’d be at the cathedral this morning, thought you might be. i’ve wondered so many things about you lately. sitting next to each other there, st. mary star of the sea, saying our easter prayers – it’s the most amicable thing we’ve done together in months aside from fuck. i prayed to […]
let me be your man
back to this. we separate and, for a moment, it’s like drowning. punishing and wet. soaking, ugly, desperate. my neighbor’s basement floods and the pipe gushes water all day long. remember when mine did that? remember the hole you dug down there for the sump? i do. i loved looking at you squatting in the […]
my valentines wish
the woman behind me orders french onion soup and pico de gallo. and immediately i respect her. a woman who dares to want it all! she orders a rum drink to wash it down with. i think to turn around and see who this animal is. this woman with ambition! i think there’s probably something […]
from august (in my summer skin)
my brother and i stand watching as a fire burns a bunch of stuff we don’t want anymore. “if i had a dollar for every time i had a garbage fire since mom died, i’d have, like, thirty dollars,” i say. “more than that,” he says. i nod in agreement. i’ve been burning stuff for […]
my fetish for eternal peace
i have a fetish for knowing what’s going on. it’s, like, the most important thing to understand about me. some might say it’s because i’m an enneagram eight. others might think it’s because i was raised by a virgo. me, i say it’s because i couldn’t be more turned off by not having a clue. […]
at the end of the earth, tell me i’m yours
the woman i love is going to red hook this weekend to give a talk about her book with another author, a guy named sean thor conroe, who wrote fuccboi. no gatekeeping here – it’s a book about him being a fuck boy. the wikipedia page for it flaunts his use of “bro-speak”. i’ve never […]
i’ve always liked dancing with you
it’s late november now and these three pieces are all from early spring, shortly before things fell through with you and k- and you came back to the house for the summer. before we decided to try to get pregnant. before you took me to the city for my birthday and before things felt good […]
lay me down
i’ve been getting an evening massage every week for the last month or so in attempt to reverse what i’m convinced is years taken off my life due to the stress of the past decade. i typically see a woman named kathryn, who has both nostrils pierced, tattoos, and soft eyes behind clear, pink-framed glasses. […]
